A while back I was fortunate to me invited to a blogger event held by the lovely people at Faber. My personal highlight of that event was writer Jeff Norton (he of Metawars fame) giving us a special reading of his new book, Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie. It was flippin' hilarious, and one of the funniest things I had heard for a long time, and so I am really chuffed to be part of the big cover reveal.
Today, there are 18 blogs showcasing a short extract of Memoirs, along with the fab cover for the book, which is due out this summer. I have to say I totally love the extract that I have been assigned - how could I not? It's about farts and I'm a boy! (yes, even at my age I still find farts amusing).
Extract #17: Adam ruminates on cleanliness after being drenched in coke.
Normally, I don’t need to be told to take a shower. If I could, I’d shower five times a day, just to scrub off the grime that hung in the air. For example, did you know that when someone farts, particles from their bum actually float around in the air? So when you smell a fart, those particles are actually nestled in your nose? The official population of Croxton (not counting undocumented aliens and tourists) is 21,371, and that’s a lot of bums doing a lot of farting, creating a lot of particles that cling to your hair and skin. If you ask me, five showers a day doesn’t seem like enough when surrounded by over twenty thousand fart-producing bums, but the one exception I made was for showering at school especially during lunchtime.
‘But sir,’ I said, using the word ‘sir’ to appeal to his authoritarian nature, isn’t it the high school’s football practice hour? I can shower at home later.’
‘Yeah, it’s not like it’s dirt,’ said Jake.’
‘You’re covered in cola,’ said the teacher. ‘And it’ll attract bees and rats and-‘
‘What kind of bees?’ I asked, wondering there was some link between my killer bee and banning of syrupy soda from school grounds.
Each of the 18 blogs participating in this cover reveal has an extract. if you want to head to the first one (chronologically as far as the book is concerned) then head on over to Readaraptor. If you've read them all so far and you want to read extract #18 then head on over to Much Loved Books.